so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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