I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
