lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
