We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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