jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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