Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
