He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
