Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
