i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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