sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
