so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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