I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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