Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
