If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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