every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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