Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
