I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
