I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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