Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
