my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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