Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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