He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
