You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We are two peas in an std pod
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
