just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
