SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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