I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
