I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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