She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
