R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
