I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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