im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
