somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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