woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
