that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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