I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
