downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
