actually, I'm a sock model
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
