they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
