In the future we'll all be gay
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
