I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
