Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
