I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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