and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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