I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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