I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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