you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
