Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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