This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
