I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's blow job season.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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