No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
