I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
